The day’s that never end camp edition/ writing sample

Description: We have been doing writing for a while now. We chose to make a sample about one of our favourite pieces. I chose to do it about my camp writing because camp has been the funniest thing we have done this term. Here is my story underneath maybe comment about it in the comment part and tell me what I could improve on because that will help me a lot.

Writing

The day’s that never end camp edition

Hi my name is Jake. I go to russell street school but you can say RSS for short. Right now we are going to el rancho camp. We start to head to the bus wow!!! I can’t believe that we are going to el rancho even so I’ve gone to highland home I still can’t believe it!!! Troy our teacher shouts out next stop el rancho camp. Me and my friend max are playing a game where you have to guess what the person was thinking once Houston was thinking of a bare bottom yeti. No one got it but I got yeti. Someone ask Troy when we were going to be there Troy said 10 min yay everyone shouts… Someone asked Troy again when we were going to be there he said 5 min. I start to count down in my head 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 5 min later the bus driver almost goes past el rancho. We start to go in the driveway where here someone shouts.We are getting of the bus and a giant swamp monster shoots like a cannon from the ground. Just kidding we only saw a big building and our bags. The boys cabin have to go first for the look around el rancho. Us boys have a plan for where we are sleeping. Oh no I better stop writing because my mum is coming up the stairs. I am suppose to be cleaning my room bye.

Chapter 2

The arrival

Hi I am back from cleaning my room and I’m ready to do some writing so where was I… I was talking about I just got to camp.We are going to check out our cabin and I am going to be on top bunk with max on bottom bunk. These are the people in my cabin Max b, Juven, Tom, Jacob w, mike, Finns and I are in cabin 15. In 5min we are starting our first activity. My first activity is low ropes it is sooooooooooo bboorriinngg it is th worst!!!!!!!!!!!!! Next we have kayaking it is the best!!! We are having lunch now then skit practise and now it's bed time goodnight zzzzzzzzzzzzz… Good morning. I am having toast with butter and honey for breakfast. After breakfast we did some more activities. My next activities are rafts, team initiative and pool the pool was so nice because it was a hot day. Then we have skit practise then dinner after that we have camp diaries, smores, bonfire and spotlight goodnight…

Chapter 3

I’m used to it.

Gooooooo (breathing sound) ood morning I’m so happy clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth. Try guess why… Because today is the day where I Jake crawford gets to go on the… Wait for it… The water slide it's going to be the funniest. If it rains it's going to be even funnier but sadly I don’t think it is but it's still going to be fun. We have to have breakfast first. For breakfast I am having the same as always, we then have archery then mini golf. Now is the water slide when we finished our leader was soaked because of me I don’t know why? Now is lunch, play time and now we have skit practice, camp diaries,camp concert. Goodnight. You are thinking that Friday is the same as all the other days but we did some cleaning so let's speed it up blah blah blah blah we are going to leaving park it is just like a park so I will speed this up to blah blah blah. We are still at liven park and I am stuck in the slide because of Hunter, Eli and Katie it sucked. The end.

Feedback/feedforward: I like your story because it's funny and I like funny story's. Next time you should make it more descriptive. Max b😐 

Evalaution: I think I did good with my story because it's really long and I think it is a good story but I think there is still more mistakes in there but I think they should be almost gone or maybe all gone.Jake